Why Being ‘Right’ Isn’t Always Right: The True Purpose of Rules

There are so many types of personalities in this world, but let me tell you about the one that drives me crazy—the self-righteous type who’s always right and quick to correct others. You know the type, right? Some of you might even know someone like this.

When I first started seminary, I was full of excitement. I had just returned from Jerusalem, where my life had changed, and I was ready to dive deeper into my faith. I joined a group that met for a 5 a.m. holy hour and a workout—yes, even at that time I exercised. What a miracle. There was a guy in that group who loved God deeply, but he was like a drill sergeant. Every little thing we did or didn’t do, he would point out. He’d pause movies about saints to explain lessons, and he even had booklets on how to pray exactly the “right” way. It was intense.

I ended up needing a break from the group because his scrupulous nature was too much for me. But something unexpected happened—I became just like him! Suddenly, I was the one focusing on how others prayed or judged how long someone knelt at Mass. I got so wrapped up in rules and checklists that I lost sight of what really mattered—my relationship with God and others.

Now, don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying that rules are bad. Rules have a purpose. Just like in sports, where rules keep the game fair and organized, God gave us rules to help us draw closer to Him. They give us order and guide us on the right path. The problem comes when we focus so much on the rules that we forget their true purpose: to lead us into a deeper relationship with God and our neighbors.

This reminded me of the Pharisees in the Gospels. They were so focused on the rules that they missed the point: loving God and neighbor. They were blind to the love and mercy that Jesus brought because they were so caught up in their rituals. The rules and laws were always about helping them serve God and others better.

I realized that while rules and laws are important, they are there to guide us, not to replace our love for God and others. The beauty of our faith lies in its ability to draw us into that love, using rules as a guide, not as the goal. So, let’s take a moment to look in the mirror and ask ourselves: Are we so focused on doing everything “right” that we forget to love God and our neighbors?

At the end of the day, it’s not about perfection. It’s about nurturing a genuine relationship with God and each other. Let’s focus on what truly matters.